Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
