2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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