On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
