Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize