I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
