I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
