This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
