one two three fourrrrnication!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
