My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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