So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
