and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize