I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
