a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
