i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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