Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The feeling are messing with the penis
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
