onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
