i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
