sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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