I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
