so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
