Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
