How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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