Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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