I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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