and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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