you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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