yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
