whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
