Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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