Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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