hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
