They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize