I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My ass is underappreciated
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize