I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
