He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
