Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
