she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
