My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is classic penis vs brain.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
