Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
