I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize