Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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