ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
