Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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