if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
