i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
