I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
