Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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