her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
