just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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