There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize