Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
