Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize