Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
