I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
