my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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