I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
