Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
