my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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