3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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