I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize