My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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