Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
