the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
