I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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