I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
soo... how was my night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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