2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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